Today's Borowitz Report is a hoot of a satiric piece. Here's a bit from it:
Davis Klujian, who became a liquid and gel salesperson shortly before the new FAA rules were put into effect, calls his career move "an example of totally sucky timing" that he now regrets.
"I had only been selling liquids and gels for two weeks before this came down," Mr. Klujian said. "Before that, I was a sharp metal object salesman."