Motivation is really "the art of getting people to do what they don’t want to do even though they’re not going to do it very long." The problem with motivation is that it doesn’t stick around. When you first get motivated you are an unstoppable force, but as time passes, your motivation becomes more like a summer tan, a lick-on tattoo, or love at first sight. It’s fading away.

I am convinced that people cannot be motivated but must motivate themselves, even though that concept goes against Newton’s law of inertia—i.e., objects on the couch tend to stay on the couch eating Cheetos.

If you want to change something in your life, you have to take action and you must have stick-to-itiveness. Take diets for instance. If you want to lose weight, you have to stick to your diet at all times, even those times when you would sell your grandmother for a Snickers bar. With this in mind, I am proud to unveil my new motivational diet plan.

First, answer this question: "Why do you eat too much?" The answer is because what you’re eating tastes good. "So, if it didn’t taste good, you wouldn’t eat it?" BINGO! That’s it!

With my revolutionary new diet, you will eat what’s good for you and it will taste good, but if you eat what’s bad for you, it will taste bad.

The key is a staple found in every pantry: the iconic condiment known as ketchup. When you embark on the PKOE Diet, you can eat whatever you want but you must Put Ketchup On Everything.

You will still enjoy things like steak and burgers and fish and eggs but when you put ketchup on other foods, they may not seem as palatable. Ice cream, for instance, is allowed on the diet, but it must be served with a healthy topping of ketchup. Pie or cake on your mind? Go ahead, but don’t forget the ketchup. Before you know it, you will be avoiding all the bad foods and dropping pounds like a sumo in a sweat lodge.

The PKOE Diet: It’s fun, it’s fast, and it probably even works. Give it a try and let me know how much weight you lose. I’d try it myself but I just can’t get motivated.

Dale Irvin is The Professional Summarizer™. He will emcee your next event and keep the audience updated on what they have just seen with a running comedy monologue. Visit and sign up for Funny Business and The Friday Funnies. They’re free and worth every penny. For booking information, contact Speak Inc.’s Ruth Levine at (858) 457-9880 or


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